Boys don't understand the word love

They have used it a million times, thrown it around likes it's useless, time and time again, they use it in the most ridiculous situations, like I love you but I have to let you go, like if you really loved me..... Umm you wouldn't want to. Being unfaithful.. He never fricken loved you! Don't believe that crapp. This guy said to me once, cause of long distance, I love you but I can't have you, so I'm settling for second best, I know personally, when I love someone I don't even consider a second best, hello, it's you or nothing. I love you but can we just be friends, famous used line! Boy I'm telling you this now, you don't love me, if you did you would go through any obstacle with that person by your side because they mean that much to you, it's not, well can I love you when I'm there and then when I come back in a few months, and not talk to you in between, but I still really love you! Bullshit, it's all bull crapp, If you hear this... Run! It's not gunna work, he's never gunna be that faithful loving husband because he never really loved you!

Happiness

Being happy, can be the best thing in the whole world. Being happy for absolutely no reason, Its an amazing reason to feel like you can just get up and dance and keep a smile on your face no matter where you are, what happens or whose around you. Lately, its all I got, a smile on my face. I feel every piece of joy in life maybe its god giving me the power to just be happy or maybe i just found a way to smile no matter what, but all I know is I am, Im happy no ones bringing that down, or tearing it away from me. Happiness is something you have to achieve with god, and all on your own in the world. Now be Happy

Valentines day

Honestly one of my favourite holidays, the romance involved is just so heart warming, I mean once your past high school atleast, then you actually have the opportunity to have the full out romance, otherwise for us single people, it's just a day where we see all the cute couples even the days leading up to it and it reminds us that we don't have anyone,. Pretty depressing, but hey, even though I may have someone on the other side of the world and may not also, I'm just gunna enjoy tomorrow take it with open arms and a big smile. I mean last year I was alone and had 5 guys tell me they were gunna ask me out, but 1 beat them all to it, and I had a pretty great day, otherwise just enjoy the day full of love, from friends or loved ones or no one, just take it with a glass half full perspective and enjoy :)

Painful evenings

Do you ever have one of those evenings where everything feels like it kills you. Maybe it's just caring too much for someone who may not care that much about you, or maybe your just really insecure and taking everything overly harsh, it could be your tired upset or insecure, but everything seems like it's going wrong, but what you need to realize is you've had worse days, worse evenings ad people out there have a lot worse issues than you. So just be happy and thankful for what you've got

Road rage

Okay we all have some problems with getting mad at the drivers around us, I mean how couldn't we, we're surrounded by many horrible drivers who we question how they got their license. Okay soo maybe Im not one to talk I'm a pretty crazy driver myself, but not like danger ing others or pissing people off. I'm a pretty good driver in tht way, but I'm a teenager and every slow driver, deserves to be screamed at, they make me mad, oh and the people who cut you off, grrr, so yes I sit there yelling at my windshield at people who can't hear me, and riding their tail on the highways so they get out of my way. But hey I could be alot worse, okay so my distracted driving..... Skills are actually amazing but.. I am the worst for distracted driving alot maybe that's why I'm so good at it. A sight you will often see is me with food in one hand holding the steering wheel and my phone in the other, and then I'll start searching for stuff, I mean people it's brutal how much I do it and and to the extreme. I mean I'm getting better, I do it less and less, because one day gods gunna get fed up with stupidity and try and teach me a lesson. So maybe I should stop, disregarding the safety of me and the people around me.

Teens pointless ways on Facebook

I think I forgot the point of facebook, or I just realized how stupid it is. We all have over 100 friends but only 50 and less actually pay attention or give a shit what you have to say, theres constantly misunderstandings, beaking, and drama. We all come on here to complain hoping that one person its about will care. Or to tell people opinions that.. Well you wouldnt say to their face. okay so sometimes you talk to people but most of the time, everyone just comes on facebook searching for the attention of their peers, friends and family, others just go on to brag. I mean place where we have no privacy, but yet, we tell everybody everything and constantly are attached to it. We are also constantly judged by our peers, our friends, and even our family. Yeah its a great place to be updated on the people you barely see or friends that are far away and your easy way to talk to them. But even that isnt that common anymore. I mean I personally, am constantly attached to facebook and constantly, posted and looking at other peoples profiles. But I end up not posting stuff anymore, because why? because out of my 700 friends, 7 actually like or care what I'm up to, the other 693 just want to be your friend so they have more friends, so they can attract more attention to their profile, if anything there criticizing your account. Honestly it kills any of my self confidence, like hey I like this picture I'm gunna post it on facebook and show it off, 5 mins later, wow 4 out of my 700 friends liked it. The rest probably just think I look horrible, I may aswell delete it, especially since my crush didnt like it. Its my constant judgement of everything I do on facebook, I mean yeah the "popular people" get more attention and likes from their peers, but even they, dont have the likes of all 900 of their friends, they barely manage their 50 likes. I mean It feels like self destruction, and pointless teen time consumption.

Invisible

I'm not the same person I once was, I'm not the person I should be, I'm not truly me. Why? Because, someone else's judgements and words, keep me fighting for acceptance. Because I've been bullied into a person that I'm not. Where has this gotten me? No close friends. The invisible. The person people walk right by, judging time after time, talking behind my back and excluding me. Who I am, and who I keep trying to be, and anyone I will ever become will never be good enough. The girl who once was loud outgoing and fun who just loved life and was fun to be around the one who had lots of friends and who just didn't care id always tell you my honest opinion no matter what. Now I'm the girl you'll see hiding my face, dressing in baggy clothes, I don't talk much, I hang out with maybe 1 person. I'm not the student all the teachers know cause I'm always talking, I'm the student you have to talk to before I'll talk, I will never tell you my honest opinion. I'm Quiet and invisible, anyone who knows me, know that, it's not my personality. It's what people have created out of me.

Gods plan

God sent them to me. The time I needed them most. Things were getting rough, and he knew I had fought for so long to connect with him. So he knew just the right thing to do. Send me two people who would change me forever. I grew up, trying to get close to god, I fought to see the beauty and understand why the world revolved the way it did. Why the lord does the things he does. I felt like I tried everything, begging my parents to take me to church, I tried going with my grandparents, that wasnt easy. Youth groups, christian groups, church events, and bible camps, I tried it all. I felt like I had an understanding, of who he was and how things were, but I still didnt understand, well life..Well how are you supposed to understand life? I heard it all, criticisms of his existense, which I strongly believed against, evolution science. But in the end, I believe that everything, is something god does and he does it for a reason. I was satisfied with my connection with god. So when life got busy, I lost the time to go to youth groups and camps and to be able to sing christian songs all the time just to feel his presence all around me. I feel like I went into a dark period, a time, without a view on how things were, until things got bad, drugs got ahold of my brain, it was only my first time and 2 seconds in I was regretting letting the disgusting poison touch my lips. No one wants to listen to every crazy thought and feeling that went through my head, but something was definetly wrong, this is not how i should feel, is all I could think, and it scared me. Unable to control anything, I sat there and prayed, over and over in my head, God help me, save me, I cant die now, Im sorry I made a mistake. He gave me the strength not to completely break down. He helped me through one of my toughest times, and taught me a lesson. He taught me not to fall to pressure and temptation and I knew it. But he knew I hadnt realized yet that it was my time to connect with him again. He was trying in every way, to get me to turn to him, and I did. I hope he forgave my sins. But he sent me, a friend, someone who believes so strongly, that it would teach me and guide me, she showed me that life was great. She held me up when I was probably on the edge of life. The person who kept me going, and until my drug incident i didnt even know she was christian, but after that I knew it and saw it everyday. Then God sent me, a boy, someone I had met at a bible camp many years before, it was his plan for us to meet again. He is a strong believer, and has a lot of faith and belief, and see I had been so out of touch with Jesus for so long, It scared me all the questions, and pressure of my christianity. I know, with all my might I am christian and a believer in God, that I turn to him when I need him most and know that he loves me, and does whats best for me when guiding me in life. But this was not something I announced to well, just about anyone. So when, I fell for the guy God had sent me, and he left. I didnt know, what was next and I still didnt know it was all part of Gods plan. See the guy that God sent me, was going to a missionary work/school, to connect with god. I didnt understand until he told me, he could never date me if I didnt love and believe strongly in God, which scared me a lot, because, I know I do. But someone going out and saying that almost offended me. People telling me that I have to connect at a higher level with god, it still scares and confuses me, because I believe so strongly in my heart, but yeah I dont understand everything and have such strong beliefs about things as some people. I asked my friend if she thought the guy was asking me to change for him, and she very strongly told me that, its time for me to pursue my christianity and connect with god that i dont know what its like to love god. I understood what she was saying but also felt, yet again scared and confused. Connect, higher with god. and i knew she was right deep down, it just scares me because I want to, but i dont know If i have the time, and that sounds horrible, we should always have time and make time for god, and I should, I really should. I should pray every chance I get which I have and connect to him and read the bible to understand why, the world is the way it is, how it came to be, and how much god loves us. I should read all of gods word. And then I would truly know what it is to love god. but im still scared I dont know why, it makes me feel like I cant breathe. To feel like you have a connection and strong enough belief and have the love of god, but being told its not good enough? I dont know what to think. But I know no matter what, God will guide me, and show me whats right, and love me no matter what. And hopefully the guy he sent me will to, and if he doesnt, it just isnt part of gods plan for me.