Depression

You know they say depression kills. But 'They' have no idea. I was suicidal once, like the point where hey suicides my best option. But scared out of my mind to follow through. Now here I am, having been depressed for this long. Not like oh she's just a little sad inside and doesnt feel like most things are going right. Like majorly depressed like any moment I could just fall over and cry or kill myself. Driving is the worst, because all I can think of is what is the best pole to run my truck into, to instantly kill myself or what else can I run into to only hurt myself. Or give me cancer I deserve it, I deserve to suffer those people don't. Like so depressed and not that anyone knows, this is the point where it's scary depressed and all I do is hide it, haven't told a soul I could jump off a bridge and no one would have any idea why. I don't need mental help, or psychological help I'm a perfectly normal person, this is just my inner depression. Hiding from the world, Im sure I'll be fine again in a month or two. I still care for everyone around me that doesn't care about me too much to do anything to myself that might hurt or affect them. But in a way this feels right, it feels good, just to let it all out.