A little bit of life and appologies

I feel like I'm super depressing on here. People probably read this blog and expect some emo kid doing drugs who is not very nice to be around. Oh dont worry Im known to be the opposite, I'm friendly respectful and you could be my best friend and not suspect a thing of me being unhappy sometimes or depressed. You could look at me and think my life is perfect in my mind. I wish with all my heart it was. And you know what most of the time thats how I see it. I see the birds the trees the flowers and dont feel the wind thats blowing or see the dark clouds coming in. Now what makes me so misserable is I'm there for my friends all day everyday I do soo much for them buy expensive things for them drive them places listen to their problems and give them advice. now when it comes to my problems or me being appreciated. Theres nothing some would call it a one sided friendship. so life has taught me to put a smile on my face act like everythings great. To bottle up how I feel about most real situations. Like my best friend, she hears me talk about some of my very minor issues or stuff, but I dont feel like shes listening. I could talk for 5 minutes and suddenly feel selfish and feel like its back to her problems. And when I do talk I lose my train of thought, Why? because shes never truly listtening, now Im also called a mushroom by my parents I could spend a lifetime by myself and be completely happy and satisfied just lost in my thoughts. So darkness and the corner of my room are my place. Most of my friends, dont respect that when i want my 1 day of alone time a week, I need it. Instead there are the people that cant be alone, they have to be surrounded by friends even if they are home. It bugs me and most of the time they get mad at me because they want me to be that person hanging out with them or talking to them, but me I wanna curl up in bed with my music, phone, movie, and laptop and just stay there for weeks at a time. During the summer I usually cut off everyone, because its my break time, from making everyone else feel better, and its my alone time, to prepare for 1 more year of being the people pleaser and dealing with high school drama, that is unneeded and unnecessary.