Long Distance

So in my last post.. I happened to mention.. How most of my relationships are done from afar.. The thing is.. .No one has any idea.. My moms theory is that, I like meeting guys that are going away or that live far away.. Because Im scared of commitment or something.. what she doesn't understand.. Is long distance, is almost a worse commitment, because every free moment you have is spent telling them about the stuff you wish they were there to see or there to be with you for. Its brutal. Not being able to have intimacy with them. So as I was saying, Me personally, I have bad luck, with Long Distance relationships, First it was all about the guy I met at camp I cared about a lot, that it could never work for real because he lives 3 hrs away. Then after that didn't work, I dated this guy.. Who was moving away 2 hrs. After him I started crushing on this guy who was one of my best friends, who lives 8hrs away, after that I met this guy this summer, who I really liked.. Only to find out we couldn't get involved because he was going away to New Zealand for a year. But wait here's the best part, A few days after he left, I ran into my friend who I had went to camp with.. And discovered I couldn't date him.. Why? because he was also going to New Zealand, We got involved anyways, and he had me in tears and head over heels for him before he left, he had left for 5 months.. 2.5 now, half way, and asked me to wait for him, and my First friend that went to New Zealand, Wants me to wait for him.. so we can go to university together and date and stuff.. Crazy! Its like I only attract the relationships that have a limit, a date when it ends. And if it doesn't.. the guys that live close.. My continuous ending it with them, Is exactly a month from the day he asks me out. Most of the guys I have become close with have discovered that anyone I care about and it gets somewhat too close, or too complicated.. I push them away. I attract, Long Distance, and push away the ones I care about. Tough luck, Maybe its why, I am such an outsider, I push away friends too, keeping friendships isn't something I'm good at, I find some reason why we shouldn't be friends and slowly fade from their life. And now that Ive pushed just about everyone away, and all the guys I care about have left and gone half way across the world, I'm Invisible, and an outsider. Life. Is. Complicated.